April 28, 2011

Aspire un pene, pendejo

I’m gonna be honest, I have anger issues. I get annoyed with things and people quite easily and, when left unchecked, my annoyance can easily turn to violence.
I’ve been known to throw shoes, books, tantrums and the odd small electrical appliance and I’ve traded blows with guys and gals alike [1] but there is only one person who inspires me to commit targeted acts of public emasculation. That person, who’s lucky I’ve made a habit out of talking to Jesus at least twice a day every day, is Small Dick O’Jackassface.[2] Each and every freakin’ time this fool crosses my line of sight, I get a really bad taste in my mouth and honestly?
I just want to falcon punch him in the dick.

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February 27, 2011

Allow me to (re)introduce myself

Due to sheer laziness and mild annoyance, I’ve been putting this off all weekend, but seeing as I’m bored and I can’t be bothered to find a suitable nekkid flick to watch, I thought I might as well get this done and out of the way.
My given name is LauRen

this is what I look like on a good day under the right lighting conditions
[↑Cute if you squint, right?↑]

but, for reasons that are my own and because most folks can’t seem to understand that the capitalized “R” in my name doesn’t change its pronunciation, most people call me Ren. I’m known as “Elle” to a select few , “That Bitch Who Proves All Light Skinned Chicks Ain’t Bad” to more people than I’m willing to admit to and “Lala to one particular, annoyingly significant, person. But those are all topics for another day. Getting back to the basics…

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