Due to sheer laziness and mild annoyance, I’ve been putting this off all weekend, but seeing as I’m bored and I can’t be bothered to find a suitable nekkid flick to watch, I thought I might as well get this done and out of the way.
My given name is LauRen
[↑Cute if you squint, right?↑]
but, for reasons that are my own and because most folks can’t seem to understand that the capitalized “R” in my name doesn’t change its pronunciation, most people call me Ren. I’m known as “Elle” to a select few , “That Bitch Who Proves All Light Skinned Chicks Ain’t Bad” to more people than I’m willing to admit to and “Lala” to one particular, annoyingly significant, person. But those are all topics for another day. Getting back to the basics…
I was born and raised in Lansing, Michigan and I’m slowly yet ever so surely plotting my escape because I can’t be stuck in a state shaped like a freakin’ mitten for the rest of my life. I mean, the economy sucks and our new Governor is a doucheydickfaced Republican who looks like he touches on little boys for fun and gives nary a fuck about the State, but…yeah. The fact that MI is shaped like a winter accessory for a kindergartener has helped aid in my decision to get the hell away from here; I won’t lie.
I’m a Psych major at a local college and I’m a private Psychology and English tutor who gets paid to type papers for people too lazy to do it themselves. At 21, I have yet to finish school and my grandmother has started hounding me to give her great-grandchildren citing the fact that I already have childbearing hips and that she won’t be around forever. My mother on the other hand threatened (see: promised) to push me down a flight of stairs if I were to find myself expecting before I was married which makes no sense as she herself gave birth to me out of wedlock, but you know how parents are.
Hmm…what else?
I’m a contradicting conundrum of a curiosity among the folks that “know” me here in my hometown; I make absolutely no sense and take great pleasure in it.
I don’t write rhymes and I’m pretty sure that if I were to write a check it’d bounce so no, I don’t write those either.
I am a Queen waiting to crown a foolish King but I’ll soon be forced to check my mate if he doesn’t stop swindling himself into a stalemate…I just have a feeling that the mother of all Queen sacrifice’s is about to occur and I’ll somehow end up the loser when it’s all said and done.
I have a sick and newfound addiction to and for nail polish. My current collection consists of everything from New York Color to Sally Hansen, Orly and OPI.
My mind moves a helluva lot faster than my mouth does and I have a bit of a problem talking to people I’m not familiar with. Eh.
I have a thing for hip hop, high heels, low morals and somewhat high standards.
I’m convinced that there’s a ghost that…well, I can’t say he lives in my house since the muhfucka is a ghost and is, y’know, dead. All I know is that his name is Tyrone and he stole my Snickers. Bastid.
I break balls, rules and shockingly enough, hearts and I’ve been known to throw tantrums and shoes alike.
I suppose I could go on listing possibly insubstantial and grossly inconsequential facts about myself, but I won’t. The most important thing that anyone needs to know about me is this:
I’m (infamous).
…And I have rather spectacular cleavage, too.
